Popcorn movie.

Today’s movie comes to us from director Nathan Frankowski, a name you might be familiar with if you’ve seen his 2016 biography Te Ata. Inc incidentally also his highest rated film at a 65% on Rotten Tomatoes. Three of seven films to actually have a critic score at all on RT.

The Devil Conspiracy falls into the realm of Fuck You, It’s January films so let’s temper our expectations. Written and produced by Ed Alan, known for his sole writer/director gig in 2023’s The Devil Conspiracy, the movie grossed less than $1 million in the box office and released on Hulu not too long after. But is it any good? Let’s find out together shall we?

Alice Josephine Orr-Ewing plays Laura Milton, American art student who finds herself an unwitting pawn in a cultish conspiracy to resurrect the devil by impregnating her with the devil’s seed and dressing her up as a bride. Archangel Michael (Peter Mensah) has other plans and returns to Earth to once again stop the devil from taking over the planet and doing all sorts of evil shit like funding another Friedberg Seltzer parody movie.

Eveline Hall plays Liz, a servant of the devil who is tasked with stealing the Shroud of Turin. I like Evaline Hall, she brings a lot of charm and energy to her role. It goes without saying that James Faulkner nails it for what little time he actually appears on screen, and I’m surprised they didn’t shove his face all over the advertising.

Michael inhabits the body of the conveniently also Michael Father Michael Marconi (Joe Doyle) and sets out to find Cardinal Vancini (James Faulkner) to steal back the Shroud. Joe Doyle plays a convincingly realistic badass. I think either Joe or the director misread the concept of acting human but not entirely, because Joe breaks out into a Robert Patrick T-1000 Terminator sprint at one point in the film. He also does the Arnold “GET DOWN” shout.

There’s a thinly veiled blowjob scene involved a CG Satan snake penis. I’m guessing the studio wanted to get as close as they could to portraying something vaguely sexual without risking turning the audience off by having Laura get brutally raped on screen, or off it for that matter. Oh and Peter Mensah could melt butter with that deep sultry voice of his.

The Devil Conspiracy is an utterly stupid film, filled with CG, gunfights, and very surface level interpretations of bible stuff. That being said I did find it enjoyable. I originally thought Laura was kind of a wet blanket but she does have an interesting story arc as the film goes on. Alice needs bigger roles given her performance in this film. When she doesn’t have weird demonic black gas spraying out her coochie that is. Shout out to Clorox, the official bleach of failed demon abortions.

At nearly two hours this film’s biggest weakness is that it is far too long. Incidentally this is a much better pro-Christian movie than the likes of Pureflix. It’s nice to see a ridiculous action film that doesn’t inexplicably show God as conveniently incompetent or powerless.

Rating: B