Rebekah McKendry shits my bed.

Rebekah no! I had moderate hopes for Elevator Game for one reason; Rebekah McKendry. Avid How About Notflix readers may recognize Rebekah as the director of 2012’s The Dump. Nah I’m just kidding, she’s most famous for 2019’s Psycho Granny. Nah I’m just kidding we recently watched her 2022 movie Glorious. You know, the film where JK Simmons plays an eldritch abomination inhabiting a truck stop toilet stall who needs Ryan Kwanten to satisfy him carnally to stop the end of the world? I gave that movie an A- and it wasn’t just because of its horny value.

Elevator Game was directed of course by Rebekah McKendry and written by her husband David McKendry and Travis Seppala, who you may know from his writing on 2023’s Captive which stars Scout Taylor-Compton who of course we all remember from Bury The Bride. I suppose Shudder schlock is more dignified than Tubi schlock.

The movie stars Gino Anania who was made in a lab to be every strong-jawed, sullen cheeked white guy in a Hallmark Christmas movie. I’m sure Gino is a fine guy in real life, I’m just saying that when the Aryans take over the world and develop cloning, the Chad master race they create is going to look very similar to him. Gino plays Ryan Keaton, a guy whose sister Becki (Megan Best) goes missing after playing The Elevator Game. That explains why he pouts his lips a lot in this film like its whole purpose is to provide headshots for his portfolio.

So Ryan enlists the help of a group of YouTubers who host a paranormal investigation show. Alec Carlos plays Kris Russo, a guy who is definitely a sexual predator. The character, not the actor. You definitely get the idea that Kris is the kind of guy who would end up banging an underage fan. He’s also the epitome of douchebag YouTubers and basically every cookie cutter personality that does IRL streams. Nazariy Demkowicz plays Matty Davis, the stereotypical pussy that every movie like this needs to have.

What am I forgetting…Oh yeah. Madison MacIsaac plays Izzy Simpson, the plucky leader of the group. Verity Marks plays Chloe Young, the only normal acting human in this movie. And Liam Stewart-Kanigan plays Kevin, the only guy without a last name. Kevin’s job is to manage the company and talk about sponsorships for videos, something everyone wants to see in a horror film.

My big problem with The Elevator Game is that it’s yet another horror movie based on a really stupid and not at all scary concept. Specifically the viral internet urban legend that turns out to be true and has really stupid and convoluted rules on how to activate it but no consistent rules on how the spoopy villain needs to act. Based on a Korean urban legend, the Elevator Game is basically a list of instructions to punch floors into an elevator and then a spoopy ghost lady will get on board and you can’t talk to her or else she’ll kill you because conversation in elevators is so forbidden that it transcends death. But if you play the game right, you’ll get to visit the dead world where she’ll apparently also just kill you.

Oh and if you play the game right and do everything according to the rules, she’ll just kill you anyway. That isn’t scary, it’s just stupid and removes any sense of tension or interest in the story because the rules don’t matter and there’s no hope. It’s not interesting knowing the director is just going to kill off all the characters because it’s a shitty lazy script. And why would a group of college YouTubers be doing this anyway? In today’s internet celebrity culture if they wanted to grow their channel they’d “accidentally” stream Izzy jacking off on camera, get banned for a week, and then come back with 10 times the subscribers.

It also doesn’t help that they try to add tension by setting it in a city but making the characters pick the one nearby building that is closed off on weekends so they can risk getting caught by the security guard. Despite stating outright that the game can be played in literally any building with more than ten floors. I guess it’s because the number dial on the elevator is eerie looking.

Also the movie invalidates its own first hour by having the guy get the group together for Elevator Game and then just doing it by himself, which he could have done in the first place.

Thank God people can’t prank each other with supernatural spirits. Can you imagine the horror of trying to follow the ritual to summon what you think is a six foot eight Amazonian muscle mommy on the belief she’ll smother you to death between her thighs only to find out too late that it was a prank who else shows up but Ezra Miller? Talk about everyone going home disappointed.

I’m working on my own film about the legend of Stinky Penis Man, the only way to defeat the demon is to clean up the dishes in the sink and at your computer desk. And by reading this message, you’ve all started the game. You have 24 hours, the choice is yours.

Don’t watch this movie.

Rating: D