I already watched the second film.

Left Behind: Rise of the Antichrist is a film that has been reviewed by precisely zero Rotten Tomatoes accredited critics and I think it’s fair to assume that’s probably because most film critics are spineless weenies. And I say this out of complete respect for the six figures some of these folks dropped on useless degrees in film theory only to ride the coattails of Roger Ebert’s name and find that audiences increasingly don’t care what they think about movies. With all due respect.

The film has a 97% audience rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

Left Behind 2: Jesus Comes Home comes to us from auteur and director Kevin Sorbo who you clearly remember from his role as Poolboy in Poolboy 2: Drowning Out the Fury. The film is a direct sequel to 2014’s Left Behind starring Nicolas Cage only with some changes. And for the record 2014’s Left Behind is dog doodoo, you can skip it and just know the basic plot to get into this film. The basic plot? The rapture happened and Nicolas Cage is an airplane pilot who has to land a plane. Thanks, what a waste of 105 minutes.

There’s a few retcons here by which I mean the entire cast has been replaced since the first movie. Kevin Sorbo plays Rayford Steele, the pilot from the first movie. Steele and his daughter Chloe (now played by Sarah Fisher) have been left behind in the rapture along with millions of other people. Rayford because he bangs stewardesses and Chloe because she thought her mom was crazy for all those ramblings about the rapture. Ah shit. Mom and little brother whatever the hell his name is are in Heaven now where the kid is probably getting justifiably bullied by angels.

The big problem with Revenge of the Antichrist is that it’s one of those films that comes out and immediately dates itself. Rather than continue on from the first movie, they retcon the events so they happen after Covid. There’s references to “vanishing vaccines” as well as Covid itself, while the movie talks about fake news and pretty much everything Republicans have been whining about for the last four years. There’s a few not so subtle “looks like the Jews are behind this” subplots and the plot is all about the return of the antichrist. Holy crap I just got the title.

Some of the metaphors I found pretty funny, like when characters in the film say repeatedly that the rapture had been scientifically debunked and don’t elaborate on the statement. This is one of the few films where I’ll accept the overbearing tone of Christian persecution. I’ve seen a lot of Christian propaganda films and usually the persecution part is completely fabricated and they can’t even reliably show Christians being persecuted in their own fiction movie. But in this film? I’ll accept it.

It makes complete sense that the world would hate Christians in this world. The rapture happened. The entire world was collectively traumatized by an event nobody can explain that could potentially happen again at any time, and the remaining Christians are like “our guy did that.” It’s probably fair to say some people are going to destroy a church or two and beat up a priest.

Now a devout Christian, Raymond decides to go to the only source he knows to figure things out. The Bible. Unfortunately the internet is being censored of anything referencing the Bible or the rapture, so Raymond picks up a physical book and starts reading it. I love these montage scenes where converted Christians are reading the Bible for the first time and have to ham it up for the audience. Sorbo looks like he’s reading the instruction manual on an Ikea sofa while he’s building it.

The film is educational by which I mean they talk a lot about the details of the Tribulation and how the whole seven year plan plays out. On the other side of the plot, we follow Chad Michael Murray’s…replacement Greg Parrow as Cameron Buck Williams, who is now a famous TV show host who finds himself being forced to spread misinformation about the vanishing on his show and talk to conspiracy theorists. When I say conspiracy theorists I mean government officials who talk endlessly about CDC statistics. There’s a second rapture that may or may not be fake and meant to scare the public.

This is of course all to introduce the survivors to a one-world government. A new world order, if you will. Williams is fairly certain that this dude Jonathan Stonagal (Neal McDonough) has nefarious purposes as the UN slowly introduces concepts like one united government, tying the whole payment system to this new service that you can literally be banned from if you don’t have the right ideology. Williams learns he’s really on to something when guys in suits blow up his car.

It might seem like I’m mocking this film but honestly I think it’s great. Maybe it’s because I just watched Left Behind and it was complete garbage that this movie looks better by comparison. There’s very little in the way of Christianity here outside of talk about the rapture and how people would know more about the rapture if they were Christians. We get a fair few strawman fights between untouchable Christians and stupid atheists, but they were kinda funny against the backdrop of everything else.

The cast is miles better than most other Christian films, as is the camera work. It moves along at the pace of a snail’s fart but honestly I’m kinda glad I watched it. It made $4.2 million in the box office off of a budget less than what Nicolas Cage took in as salary for the first movie, and the studio apparently got the rights to all of the books and is very intent on adapting the whole series. I hope they do that.

Rating: B+