It’s time to kill humans.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters is another film that reminds us what we already know; humanity sucks. Humans are an infection on the planet that have destroyed it in the short time we’ve been here, ruining the globe in the name of quarterly profits. So naturally the answer is wipe out civilization and force the surviving humans to coexist with nature rather than trying to dominate it. At least I think so.

Directed by Michael Dougherty, Godzilla is the third movie in the Monsterverse after the completely forgettable Godzilla (2014) and Kong: Skull Island (2017), the former only saved by Brian Cranston. The movie takes place five years after the end of Godzilla, where the world is finally forced to come to terms with the knowledge that they are living on a planet inhabited by monsters. But enough about the humans, there are also gigantic titans that have been hibernating for thousands of years who are now waking up.

Mark Russell (Kyle Chandler) and Emma Russell (Vera Farmiga) are doctors who study the Titans with different opinions on account of their son having been killed by Godzilla during the events of Godzilla. Emma believes Godzilla is good while Mark is still kinda pissed that Godzilla squished his kid. Emma joins forces with eco-terrorist Alan Jonah (Charles Dance) who believes that the Titans are the planet’s natural defense system against the infection that is humanity. The Titans must be reawoken in order to create a new world and balance out nature.

King of the Monsters has some good casting. Bradley Whitford is here as Dr. Rick Stanton, and they even got one Penis Anthony Doubligné (Thomas Middleditch) to play Sam Coleman, Monarch’s director of technology. Monarch is a secret government organization tasked with secretly organizing and tracking the monsters and in some cases containing them so they could be released in a spectacular fashion by terrorists like Charles Dance.

Ken Watanabe is back from Godzilla as Dr. Ishiro Serizawa with Zhang Ziyi back as Dr. Ilene Chen and her twin sister Dr. Ling Chen.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters exists for one reason and one reason only; To watch a handful of monsters beat the ever-loving crap out of each other. I can appreciate the dark humor in the idea that the Titans were the planet’s defense against threats that would wipe out the planet. Like humanity. Meanwhile the Titans seem completely incapable of even knowing that each other are in the nearby vicinity without seeing red and starting to kill each other.

They do note that Gidorah is not actually part of the planet and therefore them fighting isn’t exactly a plot hole. Rather Gidorah seems to be an invasive force that may be trying to shape the planet in its image. We get to see King Gidorah, played by Michael Cera, as well as Mothra and Rodan. The CG looks fantastic, although the movie has an extra leg up thanks to the monsters constantly being obscured in one way or another by rain and smoke and fog and fire. It supplies your entire daily dosage of vitamin monster.

It’s not a smart movie by any means, they nuke Godzilla in order to heal him. But it’s definitely a film for the audiences, not the whiny critics.

B+