Planet of the grapes.

Fantastically, given I worked at a movie theater when this came out, I have never seen the Planet of the Apes reboot trilogy. I know absolutely nothing about the Planet of the Apes trilogy, given my kung-fu levels of avoiding spoilers or talks about things I haven’t seen. Well, I know that Andy Serkis plays Caesar because if there’s one thing Andy Serkis is good at it’s playing anything other than humans.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes is the first in what is presently a trilogy, soon to be a quadrilogy with a fifth movie after that no doubt. Directed by Rupert Wyatt who has in the intervening twelve years directed two other films, Rise was also written by Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver who actually stayed on for the subsequent movies. I know Jaffa and Silver are competent writers because they made this movie. I also know they love easy paychecks because they wrote Avatar: Way of the Water which perhaps ironically a gorilla could have written.

This movie is great if you like plots that set up your hopes for bad characters inevitably getting an ass whooping. Like Tom Felton, who I’m told is a very nice person in real life. But ever since he played Draco Malfoy, Felton set himself up as the unreasonably mean asshole, and this film is no different. Felton plays Dodge Landon, a guy who for no conceivable reason acts like an asshole to the apes at the animal conservatory. You just can’t wait for them to inevitably kick the crap out of him.

The star of the show of course is James Franco, who I can’t guarantee wasn’t promiscuous with the ape actors behind the scenes. Franco plays Dr. William Rodman, a man desperately trying to cure Alzheimer’s disease because his dad has Alzheimer’s disease. A good son. Also his dad is played by the fantastic John Lithgow who perfectly plays the role of an Alzheimer’s dad. Rodman finds the cure in the form of a virus that’s been tested on a number of apes in the facility he works at.

And of course that’s where Caesar comes in. Caesar is Rodman’s ticket to killing two birds with one stone; curing his dad’s Alzheimer’s and banging hot chicks. Because chicks love monkeys. That role is played by Freida Pinto as veterinarian Dr. Caroline Aranha. Brian Cox is here as John Landon, the guy who runs the ape sanctuary. And David Oyelowo plays Steven Jacobs, Will’s boss at the genetics lab. Literally none of these characters were asked to come back for the sequels except Serkis.

But Rise of the Planet of the Apes is effectively the origin story for Caesar. If you want to take it as its own contained story, I guess there’s a satisfying if ominous ending. It is clearly here to build up to a sequel, like Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone or Passion of the Christ. We need to see Caesar’s origin story to know why he is the way he is, leading up to what I assume is a war between humans and apes in the second and third movie.

There’s little nods to Caesar’s upbringing with kind humans and why he ultimately tries to stop the monkeys from killing people even though you have them going up against dudes with guns who are absolutely not going for nonlethal shots. It also introduces another ape Koba, who I assume is going to be a villain going forward because his face is messed up and that’s usually a sign of villainy. Also he has no problems killing people.

While the action really doesn’t kick off until the last twenty minutes, it’s nice to see it culminate not in a revenge story of senseless murder but one where the apes just want their brethren to be free so they can find a home for themselves. And they do, but you get the feeling that the humans aren’t going to take this lightly. Because humans suck, and while they aren’t exactly villains in the story you are clearly meant to root for Caesar and his crew of downtrodden apes.

Can’t wait to watch the second movie. I’m glad I figured out this was on Hulu, otherwise I’d be watching the crappy ad-supported version on Amazon Freevee. What an embarrassment.

Rating: A-