More shows (more spoilers)

#1: What If…? Season 2 Episode 4 “What If… Iron Man Crashed into the Grandmaster?”

Another banger if I do say so myself, and I do, and I did. What If…? Episode 4 asks the question of what if Tony Stark (Mick Wingert) never made it back at the end of Avengers and instead found himself hurtling through space only to end up on the Grandmaster’s planet. I’m going to be honest, I completely forgot that Jeff Goldblum’s character was The Grandmaster. Before I started watching this episode I thought that was Mickey Rourke’s character from Iron Man 2. It’s Whiplash, by the way.

Tony decides he’s going to save the planet from the Grandmaster who of course is played by Jeff Goldblum. It’s another episode that lets Jeff Goldblum do what Jeff Goldblum does because when Jeff Goldblum can be Jeff Goldblum we can all enjoy some Jeff Goldblum. In short the episode is a Death Race spoof that sees Tony joining forces with Korg (Taika Waititi) and Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson) while dodging Gamora (Cynthia Kaye McWilliams) who is after Tony for stopping Thanos (Josh Brolin) and his initial attempt at taking over Earth.

Once again I’m glad the stories this season are going for happier premises instead of “what if everything sucked and your favorite characters died or were evil.” This is the last episode Taika Waititi appears in as Korg this season.

#2: Avatar The Last Airbender #3 “Omashu”

I love this show.

Hi Abed. Today’s episode brings us to Omashu, the great Earth Kingdom city that is now a locked down airport in post-9/11 America. Aang shows up and has a new mission, to figure out who is bombing the city from within. We meet Sai who is the nerdy mechanist of the city and is of course played by Danny Pudi with a ridiculous beard and haircut. We meet Princess Azula who is played by Elizabeth Yu. I like that they shifted Azula’s personality to the unsuspecting dangerous type, because with her plump cheeks and puppy dog eyes Elizabeth Yu does not strike the same menacing/intimidating stance as her cartoon counterpart. She is adorable.

Katara meets freedom fighter Jet (Sebastian Amoruso) and his crew Pipsqueak, Longshot, Smellerbee, and The Duke. They fight off a group of fire benders and I’m not entirely sure if they actually kill them. I guess it’s important to remember that this is partially a kid’s show because the big twist of the episode being that Jet was the one launching the attacks. Jet and Katara have a moment of bonding this episode because they both would like to touch each other’s butts and it’s only fair because Sokka got to do it last time.

We finally get our first fight between Zuko and Aang culminating in Zuko learning a lesson in sacrifice as Uncle Iroh lets himself get arrested so that Zuko can escape the city. Meanwhile Aang is also arrested while Sokka and Katara manage to save the king from being turned into a fine slurry of salsa on his own front porch. It’s good fight choreography. Oh and the cabbages guy is here, because it would be illegal to make the show and not have him come up at least once.

My big problem with this episode is that they did too much while making the deliberate decision to introduce characters earlier than the show. Azula didn’t appear for real until Book 2. I assume her friends are the same from the show. Jet meanwhile has several more episodes in front of him hopefully, including an arc where he tries to prove that Zuko is a fire bender.

#3: X-Men ’97 Episode #4 “Motendo / Lifedeath – Part 1”

What an interesting concept.

The only people who hate video games are bad at video games, that’s what Jubilee taught me. Today’s episode is a bit of an odd one, as Jubilee is transported into a video game by the evil villain Mojo. No not that Mojo. Mojo is played by David Errigo Jr. who you may recognize as Ferb from Phineas and Ferb. That show. Mojo is dealing with low ratings so he’s bringing back the X-Men to play on the audience’s nostalgia and save his failing business. Wait a second.

Jubilee and Roberto are transferred into the video game world where they fight Magneto. Magneto says “bow before the lord of magnetism,” a nod to his arcade self. Jubilee wants to stay in the video game forever because video games are predictable unlike real life. With how characters talk about video games, you’d think that the show was actually scripted in 1997. Jubilee and Roberto share a kiss.

Meanwhile Storm tries to have her powers restored, but the attempt fails. She learns that Forge was the one that created the anti-mutant gun in the first place and we are introduced to yet another villain for the series; Adversary.

#4: Shogun “Chapter Two: Servants of Two Masters”

I love a show with a good tease. Shogun Chapter 2 kicks off with a flashback to the final days of the Shogun’s life as he sets up the five regents. Knowing that a political stalemate would allow his son the best opportunity to stay safe until he comes of age and can take full control, he grants equal control to the five regents we saw at the start of the last episode.

The big question this episode is why Toranaga is so interested in Blackthorne and the big answer is that he plans on using Blackthorne to drive a wedge between the other regents in order to sow discord and turn them against each other. Why? Because if they don’t vote as one they can’t impeach and kill him. Thankfully we have an old man in prison who explains to the audience, I mean Blackthorne, the current political situation among the five regents. And the plan is a success, as the vote to impeach Toranaga is delayed until Blackthorne can be executed.

The Jesuits are scared of Blackthorne’s journal and the possibility of Toronaga fully translating it. I’m guessing Blackthorne has documented quite a few Portuguese atrocities that he might not be happy with. Specifically that Portugal and Spain have divided up the world and that Portugal has laid claim to Japan and plan on replacing its rulers with Catholics. As a result, an assassin is sent after Blackthorne and fails, and that’s where the episode ends.

#5: Silent Hill Ascension Chapter 16 “Judgment”

The only positive side of Silent Hill Ascension is that episodes are only a half hour long.

Rachel unties Barbara who immediately punches her in the face and ties her to the chair so she can be tortured. Rachel ends up in the rust world alongside Ingrid and Barbara and Aurora. Barbara and Aurora explain that Faith and Orson have been the source of the town’s suffering in an effort to bring on the one true God. Rachel channels the audience by saying they’re tired of all the cryptic bullshit and would like a real explanation for whatever the hell is going on in this world.

Eric and Krista fail to convince a stranger to let them into his house, probably because Faith is talking like a crazy person. Britt and podcast guy are deciding whether to tell Orson about his family’s history, and they decide it’s probably for the best that Orson doesn’t know. Why? Because Orson is dumber than a sack of bricks and would probably interpret the story as a source of inspiration.

The crew finds Nora in a bar full of townsfolk, and Nora explains that everyone’s been having hallucinations. No shit? Krista says that Eric should be careful to not let the townsfolk know that the monsters are after Faith in full earshot of the townsfolk. The bar naturally is attacked by monsters because, in case you haven’t noticed, physical barriers don’t seem to do much against creatures that can literally rip someone out of their own dimension at will.

Once again the monsters are the only well-made thing in this series, although the monsters don’t do anything 95% of the time. Rachel’s voice actor had a broken mic in the last few minutes or they truly stopped caring about modulating audio. Krista shows up behind Rachel and hits her in the head with a bat, and that’s where the story ends.

I do genuinely believe that Silent Hill Ascension is being propped up by bots either under the employ of Genvid or people who just want to say they influenced a Silent Hill thing. Every week there are tens of millions of IP votes being put into the choices, which would imply this show has a relatively decent viewer base. But nobody and I mean nobody is talking about Silent Hill Ascension anywhere outside of the once a month “does anyone even watch this” post on the Silent Hill Reddit.

I still don’t fully believe that Silent Hill Ascension wasn’t written by AI.