Another entirely possible mission (spoilers).

It’s been a month since I started catching up on the Mission Impossible movies and I’m finally on movie #2. I know how excited everyone is for me to give my thoughts on a twenty four year old series, but here in the biz this is what we call jerking you around. It’s definitely not me being lazy. No siree.

Given the Chronicles of Riddickulous level of success of Mission Impossible with its $457 million in box office revenue, a sequel was only inevitable. The surprising part is that Cruise/Wagner took four years to see the sequel to theaters. And unsurprisingly Mission Impossible II was partially shot in reverse; where they had action sequences planned for a number of scenes and just kinda worked the film around it. Tom Cruise did his own stunts again with little to no safety because he’s a crazy person, and the film went on to make $549 million in the box office. That’s $934 million in 2022 dollarydoos.

After watching Mission Impossible II the most impressive part of this film is that a lot of people hated it. Maybe it’s because I’m watching it twenty four years after the fact that gives a different perspective, but I’d like to think 11 year old me would have had a pretty similar response if I wasn’t still pissed about the first movie at that time. On the other hand, I’d like to look at this in an optimistic way. This means the series only goes uphill from here, and frankly the second movie is starting it off on a high note.

Mission Impossible II has a very simple premise that I think most of us can get behind; Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) wants to have more sex with Nyah Nordoff-Hall (Thandiwe Newton). The villain of the film wants to have sex with Nyah Nordoff-Hall. Because she’s sexy and she rocks that seductive cat burglar motif in a way that’ll make you say “Halle Berry Catwoman? She’s nothing special.” And it sounds like I’m joking or exaggerating, but dudes looking forward to having sex with Nyah Nodroff-Hall is a driving force behind a surprising number of character decisions and plot points. The only difference between Hunt and us is that he does sleep with her more than once.

If I brought Ronald Reagan back from the dead, anyone in this audience would shoot him again if they thought it might impress her just a little bit.

The focus of Mission Impossible II revolves around a virus called Chimera, a modified form of influenza that the bad guys plan on releasing into the public in order to boost the shares of a certain pharmaceutical company who will just happen to have a vaccine and I don’t think I’m allowed to talk about this storyline anymore. But holy damn did that opening scene really butter my sandwich when Ethan turns out to be the bad guy disguise. And I like that they kept the shtick going throughout the movie, letting the audience know right off the bat that evil von badguy Ambrose(Dougray Scott) is just as talented as Ethan is, and he knows Ethan’s tactics.

And of course he does, because Ambrose is an IMF agent and while Ethan Hunt is one of the more skillful IMF agents the rest of them are also really good at what they do. The IMF is constantly portrayed as a highly competent organization, which means Ethan has to work extra hard when it comes to a rogue agent working for the bad guys. And sure Tom Cruise loves his theatrics. Does Ethan really need to do a full front flip from a standing position to kick a dude in the head? Probably not. But does it hurt for him to do it anyway? I say no.

So you got some dumb, crazy action sequences. You’ve got the kind of actress countries used to go to war over. There’s a ridiculous plot that nobody would ever make comparisons to Covid over. And of course the really cool gadgets that are a staple of Mission Impossible. What more could you ask for? Anthony Hopkins? Good news, he’s also in this film. Hopkins shows up in a strangely uncredited role as Commander Swanbeck. Mission Impossible loves its big name uncredited actors.

And Ving Rhames is back. Knowing he’s in every single Mission Impossible film is going to ruin the suspense when they pretend to kill him in a scene that I assume will happen in every movie. Brendan Gleeson plays John McCloy, and that’s pretty much the extent of the actors I care about.

On to Mission Impossible III: The Kimpossible Accord.