Ranger Tyree.

Oh hey! Today’s movie is One Ranger, a film by Jesse V. Johnson who you may remember from How About Notflix favorite Hell Hath No Fury, or you would if I’d ever published my review. With a name like Jesse V. Johnson I don’t think you’re legally allowed to be anything but a grizzled action director/actor, and Jesse doesn’t disappoint.

The films stars Thomas Jane who feels like a young child of Sam Elliott and Patrick Wilson, and by young I mean in his 50s which Sam Elliott was in the 1970s. Ranger Tyree is a rootin tootin, bandit shootin ranger for the Texas Rangers who speaks in nothing but one-liners and slogans from cowboy cereal commercials. Tyree is recruited to take down Declan McBride (Dean Jagger) before he does some crimes. You may remember Declan McBride as Smalljon Umber from Game of Thrones.

Dominique Tipper is here as Agent Smith and to make the film 30% sexier, and even John Malkovich is here to add another 60% sexy score. Rachel Wilde is here as Angel, and they even got Patrick Bergin who you may remember from his role way back in Patriot Games with Harrison Ford. There’s a decent cast, even if Rachel Wilde looks absolutely ridiculous with the fake dead eye contact lens and scar on her face.

One Ranger feels like they were deciding on a genre and just said “yes.” A film about a Texas Ranger who teams up with the FBI and British Intelligence to thwart an Irish terrorist in the UK who may be working with Soviets to pull off a terrorist attack and also he’s a bank robber. The movie doesn’t pull any punches either, like when the big Russian guy slugs Agent Smith in the face and knocks her cold in one hit.

All in all this film is pretty good. The camera work is nice with a moving camera, given how much of these films tend to be comprised mostly of flat shots. The fighting is good and the CG blood is awful although there isn’t a whole lot of in the grand scheme of things. They make up for it when a character gets his eye popped during a fight and they do seem to use practical blood sprays. Everyone gets the absolute crap beaten out of them over the course of this film.

Overall this film is just crazy enough to be enjoyable. I probably should have paid attention to the cover and noticed Big Ben in the background. Oh and it’s an hour and a half. Rick Najera is infinitely funnier and more talented than George Lopez.

Rating: B