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Watch Your Back has almost everything I like out of Hood Tubi movies. Strippers, big booties, transitions with rap music, people making it rain, and a lot of violence. The only thing it’s missing is ADR that sounds like everyone recorded their lines in a crowded Denny’s. Directed by the lovely Lisa Brown and written by A Beezy and Lisa Brown, Watch Your Back is a modern day retelling of the classic tale of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. I might be distracted by all the women in this film.

Ametria Peridot plays Kanisha, a stripper who gets her ass beat at the start of the movie in her own house. I’m not sure if this qualifies as a Hood Tubi movie anymore since their first idea is to call the police. Kanisha is best friends with London (Crystal The Doll) who is a lawyer who says bitch a lot. Also Kanisha says bitch a lot. The plot revolves around this dude J Rock (Cashalot Kirby) and everyone trying to figure out what happened to him and why he’s not showing up. So they call A Beezy (A Beezy).

I don’t know anything about A Beezy, but I can tell by the name he’s the kind of guy you call when you want shit done. Like a black 90s Steven Seagal. Paige (Albritten Makeiva) meanwhile has a problem where she needs to come up with $2 grand or she’s going to lose the house her and her grandma live in. Paige needs to decide what her limits are for her dignity versus her responsibilities for her grandma’s ailing health.

My favorite character is Malik Frazier as Tone, not because he’s constantly on his phone but because he makes it rain on a stripper in the most unenthusiastic way I’ve ever seen while also on his phone. Tone is a bit awkward but he is a sweetheart which makes him stand out even more in a movie where everyone’s either a stripper or banging strippers. Jamal Woolard plays Sean and has the kind of sex scene that would cure a sex addict.

There are important lessons to be learned in Watch Your Back. Something to do with bitches and cheddar. Also if you know a dude named A Beezy, don’t have sex with his girlfriend behind his back. And if you’re cheating on a dude named A Beezy, don’t leave your $10,000 purse at the house of the guy you’re cheating on him with, especially when that house is one he’s likely to show up at. Stick to the girl code or your best friend will get your fiancé to cheat on you.

And if your grandma needs surgery and you’re short thousands of dollars, you’re definitely going to get roped into having sex with a dude named Sean. Jamal Woolard loves his blunts. If you agree to marry a dude named Tone and stop having sex, he’s probably going to cheat on you with another woman. Or multiple other women. For money. We see Paige’s grandma for a solid couple of minutes so we know she actually exists. I love grandma Paige (Aria Moody), she’s a sweet potato pie.

I loved this movie.  You know it’s all spiraling toward tragedy but 95% of the film is set-up for the inevitable payoff. I swear I have seen the house they shot this at in another film. And then J Rock shows up. Everything comes around full circle and the genius of this movie reveals itself. It really is a modern day Shakespearian tragedy.

Watch Your Back is an hour and fifteen minutes and it feels like it’s a good two hour film.

Rating: B