Mickey Rourke hunts witches.

Warhunt is a film I’ve had in my watchlist for the last two years and haven’t gotten around to until tonight. Why? Because Mickey Rourke is on the cover and looks kinda like a woman in her seventies. I also expected that it was your bog standard war movie, not realizing how absolutely ridiculous this film is. Directed by Mauro Borrelli who absolutely doesn’t have a fetish for sexy sounds that go squish, this movie’s writing is the combined efforts of Mauro Borrelli, Reggie Keyohara III, Scott Svatos, and Mauro Borrelli. Yeah, Mauro gave himself two writing credits.

The film stars Robert Knepper (Bagwell from Prison Break) as Sgt. Brewer. Sgt. Brewer is not at all delighted to be sent with his crew alongside Major Johnson (Mickey Rourke), no innuendo there, on a hunting mission. What are they hunting for? A plane that was shot down carrying secret confidential classified top secret military…secrets. What kind of secrets? I literally just told you. The kind that might be related to the occult or something, something the Nazis want really bad.

I’m just kidding, this film stars Lou Stassen as Hexe, Anna Paliga as Stria, and Aglaya Tarasova as Venefica. The three compose a coven of sexy witches who just want to be left alone to do sexy witch stuff. You know, walk around in the fog seductively. Sensually stir a big cauldron with a wooden stick that isn’t at all phallic. Enslave some beefy soldiers and drain their blood to obtain immortality. You take one look at Lou Stassen and tell me she can’t sacrifice you to retain her youth. I dare you, I double dare you.

What’s important about this movie is that it’s a film where WW2 guys are in what they think is a simple search operation and it turns into a horror movie. As happens. Some guys start turning up missing, some start going crazy, others develop weird boils on their bodies, and some start thirsting over the sexy witches. But those witches may be over their heads, and they’re about to get some Major Johnson if you catch my drift. He’s going to shoot them with a gun.

You quickly find out that the things that aren’t what they seem aren’t quite what they seem. For starters neither Major Johnson or his lackey Walsh (Jackson Rathborne) seem surprised by the situation. Rathborne looks like he could very easily be a stand-in for Ezra Miller if DC wants to do more Flash movies but doesn’t want a pedophile who claims to be God and Jesus, he’s got the jaw for it. Rathborne is also a great name for someone in a witch movie, but it’s the dude’s real name not his character so it doesn’t count.

Is the movie good? Yeah, it’s fine. I’m not sure if you’re expecting anything particularly high production in a movie where soldiers get picked off one by one by witches, but if you’re thinking about watching a cheesy b-flick this is right up your alley. Rourke isn’t nearly as annoying in this film as I’ve found him in some of his other more recent flicks. I’m not saying he looks like he cares, but he looks less like he doesn’t care. Rourke has no problem working for child molesters, having most recently appeared in Roman Polanski’s film The Palace in 2023.

On the other hand it’s an hour and a half, the perfect length for a movie like this.

Rating: C+